ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
