Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
