Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
