She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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