What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
