I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
