I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
