It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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