every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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