the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
