sarcasm needs its own font
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize