Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
