where am i from again
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
