I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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