Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
