i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
