I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You made out with two different species that night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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