fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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