Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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