I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize