He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
