before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
