Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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