she looked like the before picture.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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