you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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