Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
cat food counts as protein by the way
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i've created a new STD.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
