Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
