u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
