your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
