Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
