once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
