Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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