Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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