when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
