Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Will you blow on my dice?

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  (248): Will you blow on my dice? http://tfl.nu/qi0r
  Replies (3) Good night (1264) Bad night (608)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I just made out with a guy for $7.

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  (603): I just made out with a guy for $7. http://tfl.nu/nc9g
  Replies (17) Good night (1487) Bad night (684)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.

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  (608): Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting. (608): Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro. http://tfl.nu/1sa0
  Replies (18) Good night (1259) Bad night (2601)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab

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  (917): i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab http://tfl.nu/gssq
  Replies (8) Good night (3050) Bad night (841)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick

  (305): View more from Florida

  I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.

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  (786): She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick (305): I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius. http://tfl.nu/szcg
  Replies (18) Good night (3972) Bad night (1619)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.

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  (520): He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time. http://tfl.nu/4xv6
  Replies (7) Good night (1874) Bad night (1374)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.

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  (608): He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles. http://tfl.nu/pu4v
  Replies (20) Good night (3659) Bad night (1175)
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  (654): View more from

  And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.

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  (654): And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out. http://tfl.nu/4u7j
  Replies (5) Good night (2420) Bad night (861)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.

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  (913): I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/25xf
  Replies (3) Good night (1859) Bad night (639)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.

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  (503): I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day. http://tfl.nu/c6qn
  Replies (12) Good night (1609) Bad night (674)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.

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  (705): Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work. http://tfl.nu/y66t
  Replies (21) Good night (744) Bad night (2007)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?

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  (317): do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards? http://tfl.nu/y683
  Replies (16) Good night (2197) Bad night (1035)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.

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  (501): Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us. http://tfl.nu/mzbi
  Replies (3) Good night (904) Bad night (1019)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!

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  (940): Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?! http://tfl.nu/l6ig
  Replies (6) Good night (405) Bad night (1210)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.

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  (816): TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN. http://tfl.nu/24ey
  Replies (4) Good night (591) Bad night (582)

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