so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.