I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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