I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.