Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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