I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.