mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
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I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
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I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.