chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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