Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
