Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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