did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
