He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
