I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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