it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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