don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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