so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
