I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
