I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
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Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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