I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
