theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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