I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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