i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
