I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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