If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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