you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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