We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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