I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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