You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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