Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
