Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
