pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
