I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
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He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
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I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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