If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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