I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
