We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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