That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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