took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
