so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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