I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
