Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
